User blog:SteveBobMinecraftPants/Die Patrol
On an old, grainy screen, Berty walks on and is greeted by a narrator. Berty happily accepts an offer to join the ski patrol and is given his ski patrol equipment, including gloves, goggles, skis, and a ski patrol jacket. When he puts on his backpack, however, he falls down due to its extreme weight. The narrator then explains that he will review several "simple" lessons that every ski patrol member should know. Lesson 1: Ski Lift Operation While Lola, Tinky, and numerous Generic Tree Friends ride the ski lift, Berty mans the controls. The narrator warns him about hazards that can make the slopes dangerous, as Berty spots a stray banana peel on the ground. He bends over to pick it up, accidentally switching the lever of the ski lift controls with his backpack. This causes the ski lift to move at a very high speed, flinging its passengers off in random directions. Lola is decapitated on a slope and impaled by her ski sticks, while Tinky gets wedged in a section of the mountain and crushed by a snowboard. Berty, meanwhile, throws away the banana peel, unaware of the disaster he has caused. Likewise, the narrator applauds Berty's efforts as though nothing has gone wrong. Lesson 2: Administering Oxygen Dogert lies on a slope, apparently suffering from high altitude sickness, while Berty places an oxygen mask over his face. The narrator begins describing the steps necessary to administer oxygen, but the instructions soon become confusing. While Berty struggles to follow along, too much oxygen is released at once, and Dogert swells up like a balloon. Before Berty can do anything, the clamp of the tank flies off and hits him in the head, knocking him out. Dogert inflates even more and begins floating away, while the oxygen tank flies off like a rocket. When Berty wakes up, the narrator again praises Berty despite the negative effects of his actions. Lesson 3: Broken Bones Stevie lies on a rock at the bottom of a small cliff, apparently suffering from a broken leg. The narrator (Not now... The narrator even sees Stevie now so this ends maybe not nice way...) explains how to fasten a splint with sticks and rope while Berty demonstrates. (:) Ah well, Berty fix it... Kind off!) The viewer sees an x-ray of Stevies' leg as Berty fastens the splint. Unfortunately, Berty, taking the narrator's instructions too literally, ties the splint on too tightly, increasing Stevies' pain. As Stevie passes out from the pain, the narrator claims that it is time for patient evacuation. Lesson 4: Patient Evacuation While Stevie is strapped to a gurney, Berty airlifts him away in a helicopter. Though Berty confirms that he remembers his helicopter training, he inadvertently flies too low as he approaches a forest, causing Stevie to fly through and hit numerous trees and branches. When he emerges from the forest, Stevie is tattered all over and two badgers are latched onto his gurney. He is relieved, however, to see the ambulance parked on a cliff below. Unfortunately, Berty does not slow down, and Stevie is slammed into the back of the ambulance. The force knocks the ambulance off the cliff and the oxygen tank from earlier flies into it, causing the ambulance to blow up. To top it off, an avalanche is triggered and completely covers the destroyed ambulance. Lesson 5: Chapped Lips Berty is informed that not all situations are life and death, as he prepares to help Sanna with her chapped lips. The narrator begins listing the steps involved, including removing the cap, twisting to expose the lip balm, etc. Suddenly the film skips and the scene jumps to Step 36, where Sanna lies on the ground with her chest torn open, blood everywhere. The narrator now seems to be teaching chest compressions. Berty seems surprised and confused by this sudden jump in the film and begins fumbling around with Sannas' heart. As Berty jams the heart back into Sannas' chest, the film skips again to Step 128, which entails replacing the cap on the lip balm. Sanna seems satisfied, when suddenly she passes out and her chest bursts open, sending organs, a pair of scissors, and one of Berty's boots flying out of her body. The episodes ends as Berty stands at the top of a tall slope, raising a ski patrol flag up a flagpole. While the narrator praises Berty for his work, Dogert floats on screen, still inflated from earlier. He touches and is popped by a sharp point on top of the flagpole, sending his organs down the pole while his skull rests at the top. Even though Dogert's blood covers his face, Berty just salutes, ready to "Save some lives!" Category:Blog posts